Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
