Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
40s are totally the cure
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Randomize
