Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
