Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
