I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
