she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
