god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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