first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
