Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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