New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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