the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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