Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize