I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
