it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
