just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
