I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
