y did u give ur computer a hand job?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize