Jerry, you need to find god
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
