Sponge bath it is.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
