I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
