just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize