Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
