mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
