I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
