I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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