Quick, to the slutcave!
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
