a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
