your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
