Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
