Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm experimenting with sincerity
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
