perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Dick very happy bro
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
