Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
