well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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