Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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