i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
