when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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