On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
