Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
