My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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