in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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