my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
