Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
