I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
