I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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