That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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