Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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