So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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