Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize