just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
do nipples grow back?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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