just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
