I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
