and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
