i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
