Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
