You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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