its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
