she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
