swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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