He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
