I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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