Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
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