I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
