so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
