Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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