That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
