Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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