wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
