people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
