Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
