bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i think my mom watched the whole time
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Randomize
