her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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