Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
