I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
only if we run a train.
done.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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