shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
