sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
as a side note pls kill me
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
