Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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