He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
