it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
