just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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